I keep telling myself to live my dream, to experience everything fully. I try, I really do, but I also know that one would try harder than I do. I feel like I have worked really hard for 9 months now and I just want to give up or more like get done and stop, stop to breathe and live. I want to experience everything and I feel like I'm trying but my energy is gone from doing things I've already experienced.. Can I travel? Can I stop working for something I feel like I've already achieved? Can I focus on myself and breathe for a while? I want to se nature, water, life, animals and me. I want to see countries, cities and people. I may not have done my best but I have damnet done enough! I've seen things, lived through things and mentally grown in a way few people my age has. I've come so far in my personal evolvement that I don't know what to do now. I want to build a relationship, a life, a foundation in that dream that I am trying to live. I'm stressing something I know is coming later, in it's own time.
Can I please stop working for an achievement that I'm mentally done with? Am I working against the rule of life by doing that? Am I not supposed to enjoy life? Is that what life is about? "Learning it the hard way" is not what someone would preach but someone would say that life is hard. If my life has stopped being hard do I need to make it hard? Should I make it difficult for myself because "that is the way it is supposed to be"? Am I spoiled because my life is easy?
Have I come to the stage in my life where I find a religion? Am I lost? Is that what is happening? Is guidance what is missing? I don't have any goals anymore, so the life I am living is slipping away right in front of me, or am I bored and not appreciating the life that is given to me? Should I try harder or should I just enjoy and let life happen the way that things just happen? I want to live in the moment but somehow I long for times that are coming later, I don't want to long I want to live now, I want to laugh today!